9.14.2005

ups and downs, ups and downs. ups. ups and ups and ups. sometimes i get these intense feelings of emptiness that last for about 10 seconds and make me feel like my body is collapsing in on my heart. that's from missing you. then more ups. ups and ups and ups.

im happy again. one week happy, one week sad. back to happy. i would be ecstatic if you were here. but im ok with being happy.

i like this library. i like the smooth orange brown wood of this cubicle that forces me to interact only with my computer. i like the nice cool air of the building and the silence apart from the tapping of computer keys. i kind of wish i had brought some headphones so i could listen to music, but then i wouldnt be able to hear the music filtering in through the closed window. some sort of bells it sounds like. its nice.

my stomach is full and warm with coffee from the bagel shop and i hope itll wake me up enough to kick me into work mode soon. its so easy to just sit here and enjoy where i am instead of reading page after page on the computer screen. ah, well. ups and downs.

i rode the bus for about 45 minutes today without even knowing which bus i was on. i think that was probably the best part of the day.