is this the city of angels or demons?

today i sat out on the screen porch for a while, just doing nothing. drowning in the heat. i could hear everything. it was amazing, really amazing. i could hear the click of a squirrels claws on the pine tree in the back yard, and every crunch of sophies feet on the pine straw in her pen. i could hear about a billion birds, each with a different voice, and the playful interactions of tree leaves in the wind. i could hear dogs barking on the opposite side of the neighborhood and somewhere someone was slamming something with a hammer. car doors crashed back into their sockets, kids squealed, and some sort of wasp buzzed around the ceiling. it was really amazing.

sometimes things like that are just enough. do you know what i mean? they dont make you happy or in love with the world or willing to believe in religion. they are just enough. they satisfy. its as if there was an emptiness, a hunger, and you finally filled it. you can stop worrying. you can stop searching for that missing thing. its done, full, finished. enough.

i miss simon so much that sometimes i stand behind the counter at work and look out the windows at the parking lot and pretend i see him walking up to the store. i cut myself off when the imaginary conversations start up. im not getting paid to make up words inside my head. so i save that for the nighttime when im lying in bed.

posted by Anonymous @ 7:16 PM