Don't degrade yourself the way I do, because you don't depend on all the shit that I use to make my moods improve
the clocks took their hour back a few days ago, reaching into my life with their slick white-gloved hands and cutting out my time with a scalpels precision. i guess i havent been paying much attention lately because the air is hot now and i sleep with the fan blades dancing it into whirpools above my bed. wasnt it this week that i woke up cold through my blankets? was it not? seems like everything was this week, like life just started and i got shoved into it without warning. some form of induced labor on the part of my subconscious that knocked the awareness back into me but left everything feeling disoriented and surreal. you wouldnt think time would be dramatic and i suppose its not, now that it comes down to it. maybe its me thats dramatic. maybe its everything and im just watching it all unfold and telling it straight - telling how its you and your life and everything touching your life thats dramatic. just everything.ive been thinking a lot about what i am lately and what ive come up with is that we are individually both nothing and everything, and that our lives are individually both instantaneous and eternal. it all depends on the frame of reference. thats the real idea ive been playing with i guess. flipping the viewpoint on my life at every whim, systematically building up my own self-importance for the sole purpose of shattering it back down to zero. both the architect and the wrecking-ball operator. at least it fills the time. ive got to admit, i like the wrecking-ball part the best. there is something undeniably attractive about destruction.
i unlocked the front door today and walked into the house and luke was in my kitchen just like it was two years ago and he had never been gone, only he had an accent.
posted by Anonymous @ 7:49 PM
